her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
