You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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