She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
