dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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