and my herpes radar will keep us safe
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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