walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
