beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
