Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
