he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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