You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
