there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
