Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
