Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
