i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
