Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
