Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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