Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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