A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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