i don't like sucking hair
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
