My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
