Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize