Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
