You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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