I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
