we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
