It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
