you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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