I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
