I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
