Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
