fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
