I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
