im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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