she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
