how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
