at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
