He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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