i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize