6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think your dad took our porno
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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