I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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