i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
