New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
