youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
