I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
