I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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