I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
