The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
