i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
