He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
