I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
