i need an iv and a liver transplant
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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