he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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