do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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