My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize