I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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