i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
