he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
