if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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