What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
