Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
