The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
