So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
