We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
