Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
