I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
