note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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