In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
