the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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