you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
